Of Course
by charliespike18
Summary: She's looking for the tree decorations; that's why she's in the attic. Of course, she doesn't know who used to be here. It's when she looks on top of the wardrobe that she finds it –a large envelope with a list of names on the front. Of course, if she had put it to one side, this story would be very different. - Jo finds something in the attic that brings back memories of Lexie.


**A/N Hey, due to the fact I have not yet watched Season 11, this is set at the end of Season 10 and anything that happened in Season 11, thusly, hasn't happened yet in this fic. :)**

_**Title: Of Course**_

_**Pairings (Mentioned or otherwise): Meredith/Derek, Callie/Arizona, Alex/Jo, Mark/Lexie **_

_**Rating/Warning: K+**_

_**Summary: '**She's looking for the tree decorations; that's why she's in attic. Of course, she doesn't know what used to be here. Who used to be here. It's when she looks on top of the wardrobe that she finds it – a large envelope with a list of names, written in a hand she doesn't recognise, on the front. Of course, if she had put it to one side, this story would be very different. He recognises the handwriting, the names. It's her, Lexie.'_ - Jo finds something in the attic that brings back memories of Lexie and Mark.

* * *

><p>She's looking for the tree decorations; that's why she's in the attic. She searches high and low, finding the odd decoration but never the whole box full that Alex promised her. Jo looks everywhere, in boxes that look like they haven't been touched in years, and boxes she knows there not in, boxes that she can tell from the weight are empty. She checks once then double checks just to be sure, Alex's instruction 'you know, over there in the corner' not being overly helpful. Jo doesn't go up here much and Alex has a thing about it, like he thinks there's a ghost or something, so she's unsure of where everything she go once she's moved it. In one of the boxes she finds shoes – a whole box filled with shoes. They're a woman's shoes; high heels and pumps<p>

Jo just assumes they're Meredith's old ones.

(Of course, she doesn't know what used to be here. W_ho_ used to be here.)

It's when she looks on top of the wardrobe that she finds it – a large envelope with a list of names, written in a hand she doesn't recognise, on the front. It's not the decorations so she nearly tosses it aside – but she doesn't, instead she calls down to Alex. He told her there was nothing important up here, but this envelope is dusty, like it's been here years –so she just wants to check. It's just curiosity on her part she supposes - Jo wants to be sure it's nothing valuable before moving on.

(Of course, if she had put it to one side, this story would be very different.)

Alex is up like a shot. He's supposed to be doing paperwork but Jo assumes he's become bored. From his reaction she realises he has no idea what the envelope is, he doesn't even know his name is on the front until she tells him. Alex doesn't seem to care until Jo hands it over, saying how she only recognises a hand full of the names scribbled on to the front. That's when he changes, that's the moment his can't catch his breath, when he sees the handwriting and reads the names.

Meredith and Derek, Callie, Alex, Mark, Molly, Eric and Laura, Jackson, Bailey, Dad, Owen.

(Of course he knows, he recognises the handwriting, the names. It's her.)

He tells Jo to go downstairs and phone Meredith. She needs to be here, for this. It's only when she's gone that he can breathe again, because with breathing comes the tears that threaten at his eyes. He doesn't blame Jo for not understanding, it's not her fault, she doesn't know. But to her, Alex is crying for a stranger.

(Of course, Jo doesn't know she was standing in the stranger's room.)

Meredith appears fifteen minutes later. Derek's with her but he stays with Jo as Meredith disappears upstairs to Alex. He's sitting cross legged on the ground, the contents of the envelope littered around him. Seven envelopes lie on the floor around him, names – the same names as on the original envelope – written on, while he holds one in his hands. He keeps turning it around, again and again. When Meredith arrives he leans up and gives it to her. It's got her name on after all. Silently she sits next to him, her eyes transfixed by the sight of all the envelopes. She says one thing, one word. It's enough though.

(Of course, it's her name. It's _Lexie_.)

They open the envelopes with their names on at the same time. It's a kind of pact, if you will I will. It's the only way they'll open them, knowing there not alone. Instead of a letter, which they expected, a disc sits in the envelope. A disc waiting to be played - that's been waiting to share its message for a long time now. Two years is a long time after all. She stands while Alex puts all the smaller envelopes back in bigger one. They make their way downstairs without words, both knowing that there too much to say. Derek and Jo join them in the living room even though they don't know what's going on. They play Meredith's first.

(Of course, it becomes apparent to Derek with in a second)

Lexie's face lights up the screen and she's so alive it takes Meredith's breath away. Her sister starts to talk – unsteady, unsure of what to say. Lexie keeps glancing down to an unseen prompt that's telling her what she should say. _Hey Meredith, if you're watching this then I'm gone,_ it starts and Meredith's gaze drops to the floor. _I mean, um, that sounds like I'm dead, I'm not. I promise. I just had enough. _Lexie goes on to say how she's handed in her letter of resignation to Owen, or will have as she's hasn't actually done it yet. How she's got a job, she's arranged it all – she's just not telling anyone where she's gone because she wants a fresh start. She tells Meredith that she's running away because it's all got too much. Lexie apologises to Derek, promising to try and become a neurosurgeon. It makes Meredith feel empty, watching Lexie like this – watching her talk about a life she planned out and didn't get to lead.

(Of course, Lexie didn't know what was going to happen when she made these videos)

They put the disc back in to the envelope when it's over. They explain, together, who Lexie is – was - to Jo. Meredith's crying so Alex and Derek do most of the speaking. After they've finished, Jo realises that her shift is in ten minutes time and leaves them in peace. They call the people listed on the front that they can – Bailey, Callie, Jackson and Owen all appear during the next half an hour. April and Arizona come to, and when there all there, they explain.

(Of course, they all look like they've all just had a bucket of ice water thrown over them. Meredith can't blame them)

Alex hands out the individual envelopes, and tells them what to expect inside. Except Owen, because they've notice that his is the only letter that refers to the person it's meant for as Dr. It doesn't feel like a letter and Meredith has already decided what it is. So when he opens it and Lexie Grey's resignation letter stares back up at them, she's not shocked. The others, though, all have discs, CD's that have Lexie Grey programmed into them. They all go, disappearing in to the night all with a plan of watching the video at a later date because right now, it all seems too unbelievable.

(Of course, it's also because they're scared there going to cry like a baby and would rather do it in private.)

When Bailey watches the video it's gone half eleven and Tuck's asleep. Lexie speaks to her from the past, explaining, like in Meredith's video, why she's gone. She thanks Bailey for helping her be the person she is and that's it. The video's barely two minutes long, but it's enough.

Bailey doesn't get any sleep all night.

Jackson puts it on as soon as they get home; sitting on the sofa with April telling him that he doesn't need to watch it. But he does and the moment Lexie appears he feels something that's not really regret but he can't define it any other way. Lexie tells him she hopes he has a good life because he's a good man and deserves to be happy. She thanks him for being there when she needed someone and tells him he'll make an amazing plastic surgeon one day. He smiles as she speaks, trying to hide the way it's getting to him – it's the unfairness of it all gets him the most. Lexie's video to Jackson ends with her telling him to make sure Mark's happy.

(Of course, it never occurred to Lexie that Mark wouldn't be there. Why should it have, though?)

They spend a lot of time deciding what to do with the videos meant for Thatcher and Molly. Lexie's dad and sister have discs meant for them but Meredith thinks it's unfair to send them – Derek thinks they should and in the end they send them with a letter Meredith has written, explaining the circumstances under which they were made and Meredith's advice of probably not watching them because it will only upset and confuse them.

(Of course they watch the videos, there curious and, even though it's odd and slightly morbid, they would give anything to hear her voice one last time.)

Alex watches his video on his own when Jo's out. When the video starts Lexie's half out of shot and has to adjust the camera angle. Alex here's Derek shout something and Lexie replies, saying she'll be down in 10 minutes. It reminds Alex just how real it was, that it's not some weird dream. Lexie tells him, much like Jackson, that she hopes he has a happy life and becomes the best paediatric doctor there is. She tells him thank you and asks him to insure Meredith has a good life. Then she says goodbye and the screen cuts to black. He goes upstairs to bed but can't sleep because for one night, Alex feels like there are too many ghosts in the house.

(Of course, there are too many ghosts from his past flicking through the halls, Alex usually ignores them. But not to night)

Callie plays the video with Arizona and Meredith by her side. They've persuaded her to watch it because Callie was ready to throw it away, why watch it when it only drags up the past? They put up a good argument though, telling her she would've spent forever wandering what it had said. When Lexie appears, though, Callie decided it watching it was the best option. Lexie doesn't know what to say and voices these thoughts, it nearly makes Callie laugh but then she remembers that this will be the last thing she will ever hear Lexie say and she stops herself. Lexie speaks again, a clearer idea of what she's going to say held in her mind. She starts by saying she hopes that Callie and Arizona have a happy life together and that she knows Sofia will grown in to a beautiful little girl. She tells them to look after Mark and make sure he has a good life. She says goodbye then fiddles with the off switch before fading to black. It makes Callie feel slightly guilty, knowing that she wasn't able to make sure Mark had a good life.

(Of course, Callie knows that this thought pattern is irrational. It doesn't stop her thinking it though)

Derek comes over and they spend the next few hours debating whether or not they should watch the video meant for Mark. Meredith thinks it's crossing a line, that whatever Lexie wanted to say to Mark is no longer applicable but Derek points out this is the case for everyone's video's and they still watched them. When they open Mark's envelope a piece of paper falls out. It reads_ 'Mark, please don't watch this with Julia. Lex'. _They carry on, putting the CD in and waiting for Lexie to appear. _Hey Mark, _she starts, tears evident in her eyes. _I just wanted to tell you I loved you while I still had the chance. So yeah, I love you Mark._

That's it. It lasts no more than 30 seconds.

(Of course, Lexie got one more chance, but that was already far too late.)

When Meredith goes home that night, she dreams of her sister. When she wakes, at five the next morning she realises that she's never going to hear Lexie's voice CDs don't help much. They just remind her that her sister is never going to walk through the door again.

(Of course, they help though, when the going gets tough and Lexie can sit in the corner, talking to herself, reminding Meredith that whilst she's gone, she's not forgotten.)

* * *

><p><strong>AN Hope you enjoyed it, please review if you have the time. :)**


End file.
